AUGUSTA AND SASHA EXCHANGE BARBS
TimeDecember 1989 (Episode #1356)
SettingAugusta's hotel suite
CharactersAugusta, Sasha and Mr. Thacker
PremiseHaving been revealed as Anthony Tonell's widow, Augusta was plotting to get the biggest share of his inheritance. She went as far as sending a hitman after Robert Barr so that she, not Robert, would get all that money. Then she didn't hear from the hitman. Trying to cover herself, Augusta arranged for word to get out that Robert had been in an accident and couldn't be at the reading of Tonell's will. Meanwhile, Tonell's mistress, Sasha Schmidt, thought it was possible that she would inherit the bulk of his estate.
Augusta is in her hotel suite with Mr. Thacker, the attorney who is to read Tonell's will.
Augusta: (playing the perfect hostess) The others should be here very soon. Are you comfortable, Mr. Thacker? Could I get you a drink?
Thacker: No, no, no, I never drink when I'm about to read a will.
Augusta: (humoring him) Well I know that probably inspires confidence in your clients. Something to eat maybe or...?
Thacker: No, no, thank you, I'm fine.
Augusta: The perfect guest. Uh, any word about Robert Barr?
Thacker: As a matter of fact I got a phone call from the District Attorney in Los Angeles. I wouldn't classify it as good news though.
Augusta: That's good news. (brightly) What did they say?
Thacker: Well, it seems that they have reason to believe Robert Barr may have had an accident. They're checking into it. The implication seems to be that he might be, well, dead.
Augusta: Dead? Goodness. Seems to be a lot of that going around, doesn't there? Well, let's not let whatever mishap happened to him interfere with our business.
Thacker: No, no, no, we'll read the will no matter who shows up.
The doorbell rings.
Augusta: Excuse me. A widow's work is never done.
She opens the door to Sasha.
Augusta: (less than welcoming) Sasha. I wasn't expecting you.
Sasha: (walks past her into the room) I don't know why not. I was called.
Augusta: (arrogant) I'm afraid you made this little trip for nothing. Despite the notification, there won't be anything in the will for you.
Sasha: I don't know how you can be so sure about that.
Augusta: Sasha, my dear, you were just a plaything to Anthony. Men don't leave money to their toys, they leave their toys to other people, so the best you can expect is to be bequeved to someone else.
Sasha: (nonchalant) We'll just have to see about that, now won't we?
Augusta: Do you have some illusions about your importance to my husband? Because I went through his things and there were no momentos. There wasn't even any proof of your existence. No souvenirs, not even a photo.
Sasha: You shouldn't be so surprised, Augusta. We were very discreet for your sake.
Augusta: But there was nothing. No perfumed handkerchief, no artifacts to remind him of you. Nothing that you gave him, at least nothing that he kept, so obviously you were as unimportant to him as you are to me. Let's face it Sasha, he kept you for pleasure. I'm the one he really loved.
Sasha: (sweetly) I'm sure he loved you very deeply, Augusta. In fact, he probably just kept me out of respect for you. You know, to save wear and tear.
Augusta: (irritated) Take my word for it. Whatever you had in the past with Anthony is all you're going to get.
Sasha: I wouldn't bet on it. Anything can happen tonight, Augusta. Anything at all.